Beautiful Vibe

My Ass Beseeches You.

What do you get when you combine pants and a generous helping of ass? One pissed off lady, that's what. I am not a large lady, but I seemed to have received a double-scoop of ass when I was made. This blog is dedicated to all the ladies out there who would rather gnaw their own arm off than squeeze into pants in a flourescently lit closet sized room with a mirror in front of you. I know you're out there. We all got asses and a need for pants. I am not alone. So this raises the question: Where are our pants?

While this is dedicated to all of us "booty-centric" ladies, this is also a plea to all pants-makers who seem to think women should not have a little-bitty waist and a round thing in your face. We are an ignored group. You've seen us with our pants gaping in the back, showing you way too much of our underwear. You've seen us with our pants all bunched up in the back with a belt. Considering all the great things we've achieved: space travel, a cure for polio, cheese whiz (really, cheese in a can is genius. Think about it) you'd think someone with some sewing skills could make us all some proper pants.

Someone needs to open a store just called "Big Ass Pants." I'm sure it would act as a beacon for all of us who have cried in an Old Navy dressing room and said a prayer that went like this: "God, why did you make my ass so big?" and the answer was, "Because Jesus likes a round ghetto booty. Shake yo' ass. Show me what you're working with!"

I would definitely put the brakes on if I saw a sign that said "Big Ass Pants." Men have Big & Tall stores. We deserve our own store, our own brand of pants made just for us. It's not too much to ask. Really. My ass beseeches you. Someone tell me where I can get good pants.

posted by T. @ 12:25 AM